By Jesse Holland
Special to UFCmania
It’s clobberin’ time as Episode 3 delivers a fight worthy enough to keep us watching for another week. We start off with the requisite recap from last week’s action, or lack thereof, and we seem to be picking up right where we left off.
We learn BJ is still irritated that Team Pulver is in control, Gabe is still shaped like a jelly donut, and Nate continues to hold a grudge against Emerson for his wall graffiti.
Team Penn gets ready for a day of training and Gabe makes it a point to advertise his desire to get a colonic. He asks Dana for permission to skip training to go fishing for brown trout and Dana nonchalantly says “Yeah” like he was asking to borrow a pen.
Assistant trainer Tony DeSouza isn’t impressed and calls out Gabe’s colon in front of the rest of the team. Gabe shrugs it off and reminisces about his last colonic that took place in Thailand.
Wow.
I know Thailand is known for its Muay Thai but it’s also known for water pollution and Reye’s Syndrome. Not exactly the kind of place where I’d want to have water shot into my rectum.
Team Pulver on the other hand is presenting Manny with the phony belt they made to congratulate whoever wins each week. I hear next week’s winner also gets a scratch ‘n sniff sticker and a coupon for free ice cream.
Down at the gym Corey continues to draw attention to himself by screaming incoherently. You’re fired up Corey, we get it. Like my father-in-law once said: Empty barrels make the most noise.
Jeremy Horn drops in as guest trainer for Team Pulver and Corey endears himself to the MMA world by asking who Jeremy Horn is. Unfazed, Gumby proceeds with the thankless role of grappling with him and even delivers an Oscar worthy-speech about how great Corey will be if he can find a good camp. The segment ends with Corey walking like one of the bugs from Starship Troopers.
Refusing to be outdone by a seven-foot diapheromera femorata, Gabe brings us to a place we didn’t want to go: His anus. At the colon clinic, a female therapist lays him down and talks him through the process of self-penetration.
From there we get a few close-ups of Gabe grimacing and what started as a show about combat sports has quickly turned into a bad porno. I’m sure Gabe thought he was in pain but believe me it was no picnic on this end either. Anyone familiar with the Swedish Chef can understand how quickly I tore up my couch looking for the remote.
It’s time for the fight picks and Nate calls out Emerson. They stare each other down and Dana remarks about how you can predict the quality of a fight based on the staredown. If that were true James Thompson would be 20-0.
In fairness Dana does get a laugh from me when he describes the Diaz brothers as “Angry at everyone”. Nick fans can appreciate that one (especially after the Riggs-Hospital incident).
The weigh-in and fight preparation are relatively uneventful but I could swear I saw Emerson toasting marshmallows right before bed. Not that it’s a big deal but he just finished talking about how Nate Diaz is just a kid and does things that you would expect from someone that age.
The fight ensues and the first round is stand-up 101. Lots of clinching with a good exchange of punching and knees. No big shots are landed but things are moving at a brisk pace. The round ends pretty much even but Nate was the more aggressive of the two.
Round two starts much the same way but Diaz begins turning up the heat. He scores repeated takedowns and then wraps himself around Emerson like a boa constrictor. Emerson starts fading away as Diaz lands punches at will and comes close to several arm submissions. A gassed and beaten Emerson finally gives up his back and gets choked out to end the fight. A win for Diaz and Team Pulver.
The fight was exciting and action-packed but I’m not sure I would call it the best of all time. Stay tuned for next week when Marlon finds his balls, Jens get a lil’ evil, and the Champ returns. See you then!
39 Comments »
Criers, g-string wearers, and a-hole douches…I don’t know anymore. Where is this sport going? Who could wanna see that.
hey the fight was alright wasn’t the best i’ve seen but good,the crazy things that go on in that house remind me of a national lampoons movie.but its funny to watch if your not a fight fan,cause people who are fight fans don’t like to see the first 40 mins of the show they wait till the fight happens then we watch but people who think a trangle choke is a move of a video game will watch people in gstrings,roasting marshmellows,get there ass cleaned you know real mtv shit.
It’s starting to be a sad parody of itself. There trying to be grand, but all the pulling of is more grandstand. Just not the same. Stick to your roots and stay tuff. Some very weird people to say the least.
all of u need to stop bitching. the first 2 weeks everyone said there was too much bullshit and not enough clips of training and fighting. this week, the editing was much better and the majority of the show was all training and fighting aside from the colonic. the bottom of the line is this… this was the best episode of the season and things are getting pretty interesting. it seems the fighters are starting to focus more on training and tryin to win as opposed to acting like dipshits. to sum it up… stop complaining!
I am somewhat suprise to see a good fight. I have been behind Nate the whole time, just due to watching his brother so much. As for the antics, these guys are fighters, and in some way I think that it is somewhat expected. Don’t get me wrong, it is some of the dumbest shit in the world, but these guys are in the fight game because they have a need for excitement, and when you live in a house off all men that problably were the college buddy that you would get drunk just to see him try to beat the shit out of someone you are going to have some wierd ass moments. As for people giving Nate a bad rap for acting arogant, I dunno I kinda enjoyed it. He puts his feeling out there, and shows you that he is the same person in front of the camera as he is behind the scenes (unlike the arrogant Jock Hughes). I have to recant and say that I have enjoyment for all fighters, whether arrogant or not, but if you are one person in front of the camera and someone else behind the scenes thats what I dislike.
As for the fight I would have to say that the first round was ok. I by far think Nate needs to work on watching the incoming punches, if he leaves openings like that with a heavy handed guy, they are going to put him on his ass. As for the second round, I loved it and aggreed that it was better than all the Tuff past performances. He is just like his brother, and I am a true lover of the BJJ.
Well thats all for now.
Later
Chris
In this show i think the best chance to win have corey,nate,and karo’s cousin gamburyan.I do not think that joe lauzon can hang with these guys
it will be a good battle to see joe vs anybody from team pulver and win the shit that will really piss jens off
I hope Lauzon will win this ridiculous season and save mankind from those punks. I for one want to see training sessions, fights and a little drama as a sidedish, but drama is taking over here. Whilst the fight was the first one worth watching, this season is still far from the best season ever. I think Dana is still feeding is crap to keep his mediocre ratings on SpikeTV. I hope Penn brought in some guest coaches from outside as well in some of the later episodes. Maybe it would keep his fighters motivated at the very least.
AND PLEASE: stop airing any more of Gabe’s weight-problems and his anus-centered addiction.
I love the show,however, I don’t need to see Team Pulver win. I need to see BJ and his team kick their ass!!! Corey is overated, Joe L. should win, and Gabe can go to HELL!!!!!!!!!
I thought that show was good…a little silly at points, but whatever. Gabe has to be the next to go…I can’t stand him, he is a weasel.
I like Nick Diaz and Nate is his clone…I love it! I hope that Nate wins the whole thing.
(especially after the Riggs-Hospital incident).
What is this about?
While in the hospital recieving post fight stitches,Diaz and Riggs got into a huge screaming match,insigated by big mouth Riggs of course,anyway Diaz ended up knocking him the fuck out in the middle of the emergency room floor.
Thanks Paul…that is why I love Nick he doesn’t need a reason to fight just a place…a hospital is just as good as any place…
actually…Diaz was the one that was talking shit, then all Joe Riggs did was walk by Diaz room to go to the nurse station, then Diaz came out and dropped him, it didnt knock him out, Joe than tackled him, and they rolled on the ground….thats the story from both sidea now
I want to see if Cory can take a punch… Thats all. Guy is ripped, a wack job, but ripped.
Should be interesting to see, i think he watched too much WWE when he grew up, lol.
Great fight Diaz, just like his older Bro Nick, brings it all out. Talks smack and then brings it in the ring. Emerson talked smack, however had less than average stand up game and really weak guard, and was gassing in the second round.
Oh stop airing Gabe that guy is so gay that he would rather get a colonoscopy than man up and train with the team and loose weight. Whoever was filming Gabe taking a crap through the tube should fired, who wants to see the Gabe’s face while he is taking a crap. Gabe should be fighting a rubber dildo. Even Melvin dropped him with a body shot last year. Gabe is a a def buttpirot.
[quote comment=”37854″]While in the hospital recieving post fight stitches,Diaz and Riggs got into a huge screaming match,insigated by big mouth Riggs of course,anyway Diaz ended up knocking him the fuck out in the middle of the emergency room floor.[/quote]
Nate, is that you? You were there but you seem to be twisting the story to make your brother sound better, LOL.
MY JAW DROPPED WHEN FAT BOY GABE SAID HE HAD A COLINIC IN THAILAND. IS HE RETARDED? They don’t even know what hygiene is over there…They crap anywhere and everywhere in that country. Idiot.
CORY IS PUTTING ON A SHOW…THAT IS WHY THEY LET HIM ON TUF…HE NEVER EVEN HAD A GYM TO WORK OUT IN!
Did Corey REALLY not know who Jeremy Horn was?
[quote comment=”37735″]I hope Lauzon will win this ridiculous season and save mankind from those punks. I for one want to see training sessions, fights and a little drama as a sidedish, but drama is taking over here. Whilst the fight was the first one worth watching, this season is still far from the best season ever. I think Dana is still feeding is crap to keep his mediocre ratings on SpikeTV. I hope Penn brought in some guest coaches from outside as well in some of the later episodes. Maybe it would keep his fighters motivated at the very least.
AND PLEASE: stop airing any more of Gabe’s weight-problems and his anus-centered addiction.[/quote]
i am completely with you that the colonic and weight problems don’t need to be shown… but aside from that, this episode was all training and fighting.
[quote comment=”37872″]I want to see if Cory can take a punch… Thats all. Guy is ripped, a wack job, but ripped.
Should be interesting to see, i think he watched too much WWE when he grew up, lol.[/quote]
why do u say too much WWE? cuz of the yelling and shit? cuz aside from that fact he clearly trains harder than anyone. ima former all state football player and i have no problem sayin i used to yell at myself when i was training to help keep me motivated and keep me amped. he absorbs the things people teach him like a sponge, listens closely to what the coaches tell him, and seems to really want this.
Savior, I lived in Thailand for 2 years.
They’re one of the most hygene obsessed countries in the world. They tend to crap in bathrooms. Like most other humans.
Dana saying this fight was “one of the best fights we’ve ever had on this show” was just Dana being Dana. Somebody has to hype this thing, cause that was not an exciting fight. Where’s the flurry of fists? Where’s the kickboxing? Where’s the famous Diaz jui jitsu. All I saw was alot of timidity and half-hearted attempts at these disciplines?
Not saying I could do any better, cause I couldn’t, but man. That was rough.
Nate Diaz v.s Luke Wilson
i like this show and think both coaches are worth my hour alone…the only thing i had a problem with last night was dana white saying over and over that this was the best fight on any tuf ever, thats bullshit, the fight was decent, the first round was close, but no real damage done and both guys looked gassed and then diaz completely controlled the 2nd round and emerson was tired as hell, the fight was ok, but there have definitely been better fights, shit the first koscheck and diego fight was better, and what about forrest and stephen??? or any of luke cummo’s fights
JT I have no idea what you were watching man. I may have exaggerated the fight a little, but that dude put on a BJJ clinic. There were also some good fists there within the first round. I have watched allot of fights and mind you this is not one for ppv or even fight night, but it was definitely one of the best on the TUF show. Of course thats not counting finals. No one compares to Forrest vs Bonnar one (from TUF that is). I enjoyed the fight, and look to see some good fights coming up.
Jt I’m not calling you out or anything, just differ in opinion so take it for what it is.
Later
Chris Valentine
Having watched TUF from Season 1, Season 5 seems to just be following the same progression we started seeing in Season 2. More bullshit, less training and actual MMA-related stuff. Whatever, it is what it is: so-called reality TV. I will just have to start watching at the half-hour mark so as to catch the fights and avoid further exposure to the g-string wearing, rectum penetrating bits. Decent fight, though. Nate fights like his bro, which doesn’t bode particularly well for the other guys.
I honestly thought that the belt was a joke the first episode. But they keep bringing it back. Multi-million dollar enterprise and that’s what they come up with? It looks like a bad fifth-grade art project. Nice write-up Jesse.
Fishing for brown trout - that’s gross
[quote comment=”37977″]Having watched TUF from Season 1, Season 5 seems to just be following the same progression we started seeing in Season 2. More bullshit, less training and actual MMA-related stuff. Whatever, it is what it is: so-called reality TV. I will just have to start watching at the half-hour mark so as to catch the fights and avoid further exposure to the g-string wearing, rectum penetrating bits. Decent fight, though. Nate fights like his bro, which doesn’t bode particularly well for the other guys.[/quote]
really… the complaining is getting ridiculous. as with the sweason progression in season 2, it escalated to more bullshit and less fighting… HOWEVER, anyone who has watched this season can say its the opposite. the first and second episodes were all bullshit. the third episode however, minus the colonic, and 2 minutes of “strait men” in g-strings, it was all training and fighting.
I was definitely impressed by Diaz, but that was to be expected. I agree that way too much attention is being paid to the emotional-marshmallow Gabe. I dont care about his weight and I’m not entertained by his following his every move. He is going to lose his first fight and then he will cry a little, everyone will make fun of him, and then the show will finally try to become a show about guys who want to be fighters and not a bunch of stircrazed kids who are antsy to fight already.
[quote comment=”38171″]I was definitely impressed by Diaz, but that was to be expected. I agree that way too much attention is being paid to the emotional-marshmallow Gabe. I dont care about his weight and I’m not entertained by his following his every move. He is going to lose his first fight and then he will cry a little, everyone will make fun of him, and then the show will finally try to become a show about guys who want to be fighters and not a bunch of stircrazed kids who are antsy to fight already.[/quote]
We can only hope.
The crap these guys do just because they are bored is ridiculous. Next season, have the house stocked with all sorts of games (Xbox, PS2, etc.) and a huge stockpile of movies. See which guys train hard and which slack off.
Just a crazy idea.
I like Nate Diaz. He is no where near his brother’s fighting skills, but theres potential
Gabe, yo, bro, great close up of your mug while getting purged, a real cell-block moment. After bringing this all on yourself I can expect you to do the only honorable thing and kill yourself, it would be better than the lifetime of taunts you so richly deserve
Nate is an animal, Corey is too but lacks the science behind MMA right now…but Grey Maynard is taking thisfuckin thing. Do a bit of research and you’ll see why. Pulver’s team is keeping Corey out to get him as prepped as possible because he is the only one left who stands even the slghtest of chances with him. But Nate is SICK!!!Relentless fighters…Awesome to watch.
i think they should go back to the physical challenges to which team gets to pick who fights who next. i think bj got screwed when jens wore the fighters out in the 1rst episode and bj couldnt get a fair assesment. i think things will even out eventually. it looked like to me that next guest coach for team pulver is matt hughs.i wonder if he is still going to be a dick like last year and the 2nd year when he was a coach.
why would dana say that this fight was the best ever, i’m just gonna assue that the rest of the season is going to suck fight wise now
the only thing this show needs is a gay guy and it’ss officially be the most entertaining show ever.
I thought Dana said there would be no FREE WALKS?
Well you may as well have just let Corey Hill have a BYE because HE DID NOT WIN HIS FIGHT! and HEY COREY all that BARKING and crap just shut your hole. I sure did not see that enthusiasm when came down to FIGHT TIME!